YOU CAN KEEP your Paleo, Weightwatchers, South Beach, Smoothie and Raw Food Diets.

Move over Oprah, Jason Vale, Dr. Oz and Davina.

There’s a new kid in town.

These steps are foolproof and worked just as well for me.

1. Take Hallucinogenic Drugs in a Peruvian Jungle – Receive sobering visions of your hedonistic lifestyle and repercussions of continuing on that path.
2. Scared shitless, decide to immediately cut out party hostels and the binge drinking lifestyle.
3. Break your strongest wrist in a Mountain Biking Accident in Bolivia. Receive surgery and have a cast fitted for one month, giving a convenient reason not to get involved in bar crawls or the vibrant party scene of South America.
4. Adjust to eating food with a weaker hand at your new frustratingly slow pace, taking the time to chew thoroughly.
5. Start writing a book and blog that absorbs your attention so much that you forget to eat.
6. Visit Mendoza, Argentina and be seduced by the wines there, eventually swapping beer for Malbec.
7. Spunk most of your holiday budget in the first half of your trip so that luxuries like public transport and taxis are now out of your price range.

8. 

   Walk everywhere. Especially with your 20lb backpack.

9. Take advantage of the free hostel breakfasts on offer. Gorging so that you have enough fuel in the tank for your next (and final) meal at dinnertime some nine hours later.
10. Fall in love with Argentinian Steak. Eat – Repeat. Everyday, for three weeks solid.
11. Seek out sun kissed beaches in Brazil and become self-conscious about your own meagre body shape by observing ripped Surfers and Cover Model Brazilians. Eventually replace meals with coconut water or Caipirinha’s.
12. Sweat. Lots.